I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so let's talk penis.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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