ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
