Sry I called you an 8
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
