Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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