There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
