A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
