i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
