When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
