bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
