Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
