FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
