just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
