i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
