You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
