Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's no shave November. This is our time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
