I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
