Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
