No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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