I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
