my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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