Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
