some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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