Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
