I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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