I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
