he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
