Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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