AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
