You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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