is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
