he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
