If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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