If i come over, it means nothing
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
