her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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