so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think your dad took our porno
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
