I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
