Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
