So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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