listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
