I got chris browned last night
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
