This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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