I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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