He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
