the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
