I wish I could punch you in the face.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Randomize
