when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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