Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
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