You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
