Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
