Whod you bang
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
